Chipwrecked Review
by Stevenspielbergwriter3
Summary: This is exactly what I thought of the third CGI chipmunks film. Sorry it's a little late.


**Hi Guys! If you read the title, you'd know that I'm going to say exactly what I thought of the most recent CGI chipmunks film...**

Wasn't a huge fan. I'm sorry, but I kind of have to go with the critics on this one. It wasn't that great a movie. I liked the other two, but not so much this one. Before you send me a hate PM at least listen to the reasons why I didn't like it that much and maybe you'll see where I'm coming from. What I'm gonna do is give ten reasons, counting down from ten. Here you go...

10. That morale for the parents that constantly gets hammered into everyone's faces. Believe me when I tell you I have nothing against movie morales, as long as their good. And don't get me wrong, I totally agree with this morale. It's a good morale. Parents should stop being so hyperactive and give their kids trust. It helps build confidence and prepares them for the real world. I just don't like how hollywood is actually trying to put these things in kids movies. If your going to have a morale make it for kids, otherwise there's nothing they can gain from the film and talk about.

I also don't like how it is totally shoved down your throat. The first time I heard Simon say to Dave "Dave... sometimes kids will step up to the occasion if you just... show them a little trust."

I was kind of like "I dunno, that's a little bit of a cheesy way to get your morale across, isn't it?" And my point is it's best not to specifically just come out and say your morale like that. It leave's a much bigger an impact if you just leave it to be seen it in the story.

**9. **Dave's constant parenting mistakes. In the first movie, he didn't even admit he was the chipmunk's father until the end. In the second movie, he wasn't around for the most part. Here, he is around and the father for the whole movie. I know it's kind of the point, and that he did often lose the chipmunks in the cartoon, but he is just portrayed as an awful parent in this movie. Always screwing up, and always scratching his head on what to do about it. I'm just going to give you a list of how many times he messes up parenting in this movie:

In the very beginning we see him as he lost Alvin. How? I don't know, blame Dave.

After that on the ship he is always on top of Alvin about every little thing. Sometimes it's okay. Like spilling sun tan lotion on the deck is bad, so that's something to be angry about. But then he went down a water slide and Dave was angry. I was like, "Why? Why is the water slide bad? It's part of being a kid!"

So yeah, Dave gets ticked off about Alvin "not behaving himself" and puts everybody into the suite room, where he yells at Alvin again and then goes into the bathroom to get ready for dinner with the captain, where Dave literally takes parenting advice from Simon. Yep, truly a Parent of the Year Award Nominee: Dave. Taking parenting advice from his own son. He actually listened to Simon when he said "give Alvin more trust" (that annoying parent morale again.) And I'm SURE that won't backfire in any wa- oh yeah, this is Alvin we're talking about. OF COURSE HE'S GONNA TAKE THAT TRUST FOR GRANTED! And that's exactly what he does. He goes to the bar, flirts with some girls, gambles, and probably drank alchohaul while he was in their too.

I could mention the fact that his six kids fly overboard the next day while he's napping right next to them, but I think you get the point.

**8.** Captain Corelli. This guy is incredible. It's just amazing how he leaves absolutely no impression at all. How we forget about him a few seconds after his last scene. Just... unbeleavable.

How is this? Well... there are several different reasons. One is the fact that he's barely around. He literally appears only three times, and even then he only speaks in one of them.

But it's mostly his acting. He's played by Andy Buckly, who rarely is not funny (this is one of those rareities.) He doesn't fall flat though, mostly because he so obviously isn't trying. I mean, seriously! Have any of you seen "the dinner with the captain scene" recently? Look at him! His eyes are barely open, he is so torturously monotone, he barely moves. But really, can you blame him? He had in his mind the same thing everyone who makes kids movies has in mind: "it doesn't matter how crappy I do, they're just a bunch of brats who don't know any better anyway." He's boring due to the fact that he's not even trying, and he's not even trying because he probably just took the role to pay off a speeding ticket or something.

**7.** Eleanore's sprained ankle. This is probably the most silly plot hole I have ever seen. About thirty-five minutes into the film, after they met Zoe, Eleanore falls and hurts her ankle. So badly, in fact, that she can't go anywhere without her crutches. She's constantly complaining on how her ankle hurts and how she can't do anything. She actually complained on the raft, right before they get rescued. Then they get rescued, taken to the "International Music Awards," and then she's dancing like it never happened.

Not only does the whole ankle thing never go anywhere but provide filler, but it is totally dumped at the last minute for the "and they all lived hapilly ever after... until the fourth movie" concert scene. There is no explanation, no hint towards any medical recovery. For all we know, she just recovered from an ankle injury in a few hours, even though we are told during the movie that it is very serious. I have seen not as bad plot holes in Battlefield: Earth. That's all I can say about it.

**6. **Dave... again. Is Dave supposed to be retarded? Look, man, I know you miss your kids, but this is REDICULOUS! Okay, if your wondering what I'm talking about, it's Dave on the island. My last Dave nitpick was on his parenting mistakes, this is on how stupid he looks after he goes overboard.

He is undescribably stupid. Seriously, David Cross in a chicken suit is actually looking like the more serious character while Dave is around him. The second they hit the beach together, Ian begins gathering wood for a fire, and trying to decide how they are going to survive. See, this is smart and opens up all sorts of opportunities to show Dave and Ian putting their pasts behind them to maybe... work on a shelter?

But then Dave comes over all mad (of course) and asks "what are you doing?" He is working to save your life, dummy. And when Ian says he is working on survival, Dave gets even more mad and begins yelling at Ian and telling him that looking for the chipmunks is the best thing to do.

First of all, the last time you saw your children they were flying over the starboard rail of a giant cruise ship with no land in sight. They're probably dead. I know your sad, but you have to face facts. And even if they are alive, the chances of them being on this given island is undescribably low. Even when they are stranded on Ian's costume with little hope for survival, and Ian points out the island, Dave says "maybe the chipmunks washed up there."

Or maybe you're high.

So Dave drags Ian through the jungle because he refuses to look at facts, and eventually there's some scene next to a river where he describes to Ian how much he misses his kids, then gets told by Ian he isn't interested (did that just sound unclean?) Just when I think Dave is finally lightening up and facing the truth, he says "just keep an eye out for something to eat or drink."

Yep, there goes your intelligence. Picture perfect proof that nobody gave a crap about the production of this film. He was right next to a flowing river, and said "just keep an eye out for something to eat or drink." I think that that speaks for itself.

**5. **The fact that nobody in this movie does a thing. Every single character that winds up on the island is always debating over whether or not to build a shelter and stuff like that. They never do. Part of what drags this film down is the lack of seriousness in a story that should have been way too serious.

These characters are stranded on an island for goodness' sake! They're supposed to be working together to survive! This is a life-threatening situation, and they should have flushed out the real peril more. Instead, we got a bunch of slapstick and jokes making fun of other movies that actually flushed out the peril. Oh, and a Sarah Palin joke. But never mind. My point is that instead of actually working to survive like these characters should be doing, they are wisecracking at eachother and making (sigh) remarks at Sarah Palin.

I know it is more like the real cartoon chipmunks, but if you want to have a seirous premise like being shipwrecked, you have to follow through with it. *Message to Chipwrecked makers* Why couldn't you have been more like the movies you made fun of?

**4.** The raft. Has anyone seen the show, Lost? Do you remember in season two, when Michael took weeks build that raft and sail off the island (until it sinks?) I think that show got much closer to the real world when it came to rafts than this film did. How do two men and six chipmunks build an adequately sturdy and seaworthy raft in a matter of a couple hours?

I mean, to be fair, this was the only thing that they ever did in this movie. But still, it's totally unrealistic. To make a decent raft (at least one as big and fancy as the one they made) it takes several weeks of planning, organizing, gathering supplies, organizing those supplies, and building. Unless they found a genie's lamp on that island and magically wished for a raft (but let's face it, Fox would never survive the suing from Disney.)

Why does this drag the movie so much? Well, earlier in the movie, there was actually a joking reference to Lost. The jokes on you, Chipwrecked, seeing as though they actually managed to be more realistic.

**3. **Simon. Nothing against Simon inparticular, but I never liked him in this movie. It was several different factors. One: he introduced that annoying parent morale, two: he was constantly whining and complaining ("Forget it! All I ever do is try to help, and it always just get's me int trouble!" "Ugh, SERIOUSLY?" "NO! No, no, no, no!") Three: He turned into Simone, who was equally as annoying, and four: he was a scaredy cat.

I guess I'm only saying that from one scene, but that one scene that always manages to tick me off. It's when he wakes up from being Simone and they're all telling him that Jeanette's been captured. He's such a coward that he actually chickens out and decides to not help her. That leaves Alvin to go and rescue her. ALVIN! That's right, you're making Alvin look like a brave hero. Congradulations! You are now officially a total coward and an unrelatable character.

**2.** Zoe, who was actually worse than Simon. Think Jar-Jar Binks with Willie Scott in the Temple of Doom as well as some Rachel Ferrier and a little Bella from Twilight and you should have a pretty good idea of half of how annoying this character is. Again, she doesn't do anything. They try to pass her off as crazy by making her say crazy stuff, but it's not flushed out enough and isn't ver consistent.

And plus, the actor is absolutely awful. You don't believe for one second that she is real. The problem is that she has so much screen time, and if you don't believe she's there, you don't get emotionally attached to them likke you should. I mean, who's gonna entertain me? Andy Buckly as Captain Corelli? Look, I loved you in the office but you are BORING!

**1.** The absolute cowardice of this movie. My number one problem with this movie is that it took absolutely no risks. What do I mean by this?

When I first heard they were going to do "Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked" I was screaming "YES! YES! YES! Finally, they're going to really put some adventure in this franchise. They aren't just playing around in school." And let me tell you, I thought up all sorts of ways they could make this movie great. And other people were too. When I saw GamerNija3's "Official Information on Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked", I got even more excited. He listed the ways they were considering throwing the chipmunks overboard and theywere all great. They were talking about what sort of perils the 'munks should face on the island. It sounded awesome!

Like most people, when I saw the first teaser trailer, I was disappointed. Not just because it was so short, but because it also didn't really look like everyone had hoped it would look. But then again, it was short and there still might be some nice stuff. But as more and more trailers came out, it only got worse and worse. And when I found out how the chipmunks were going to go overboard, I was ticked off! Nothing happens to the ship or anything. They just fly off a kite so as to make it funny for the little kids. GRRR!

The movie was pretty much chalk full of disappointments like that. The only part where I was enthraled was when the volcano erupted, and, frankly, I was surprised it did considering how much else they backed out on. And that is the number one problem with the movie. It's just too bright and humorous when it really could have some real action and adventure like "The Chipmunk Adventure" or something. It's just... disappointing.

**So yeah. That is why I didn't really like CHipwrecked tha much. If you still love it, which is totally fine, please don't send hate reviews or PM's saying you hate my guts and that my opinion should never be respected again.**

**I still loved the chipmunks, just felt a little disappointed by this movie. Still LOVE the 'munks/'ettes as well as the first two movies though.**

**Until next time, Stevenspielbergwriter out!**


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